What Not To Watch...

Daddy doesn't know. I already watch "Gossip Girl."

For reasons I cannot explain, Neha has started renting episodes of "Gossip Girl" from Netflix. The show is indescribably horrific and unwatchable. Except for the main character, who is hot. (She's also like 17 on the show, which makes me disgusting.) Obviously, Saavan can never watch the show - I have no interest in him watching fictional Manhattan socialites be completely awful. (That's being a little unfair to the socialites. All Manhattan-ites are awful. Ha!)

Saajan and Saavan know it's alright to watch a television, so long as it's only displaying karaoke lyrics.

In vetoing Gossip Girl, I've realized that there is pretty much nothing on television that Saavan can watch. (I sadly came to this realization a while ago regarding movies.) Obviously, everything on the WB (and all programming falling within the Gossip Girl genre) is out. So are pretty much all of today's sitcoms. We don't watch many of them, but when we do, they're bad news. Today's episode of "How I Met Your Mother" featured a masturbation joke (which was honestly pretty funny), meaning the show is out. "2 and a Half Men" (one of my parents' favorites) is a 30-minute tribute to the sex life of Charlie Sheen's character (that dude gets the honies!). Which means it's out. I miss "The Cosby Show."

For dramatic effect, Nico gags himself after another crappy episode of "2 and a Half Men."

Lately I've been watching "The Wire," a brilliant series about the Baltimore drug trade and the police who try to control it. The show features graphic violence and drug use, foul language, and happily intermittent nudity. It's the best. But for Saavan, it's out. So is "30 Rock," which is fantastic, but displays far too much Tina Fey decolletage. Neha watches "Friday Night Lights," but there is too much underage drinking (and Texas drawl) amongst the students. It's out. "Lost" is simply too retarded for regular viewing. "Grey's Anatomy" (Neha watches, not me), features constant whining from the "Meredith" character that makes me want to smash my head against the wall. I assume Saavan will have my good taste, and want to do the same thing. So it's out.

Saavan attempting to stop Neha from watching "Grey's Anatomy" by any means necessary.

The Disney channel? No frickin' way. That Miley Cyrus is a total hussy. And Disney cartoon movies feature filthy subliminal messages. Saturday morning cartoons aren't much better - as best I can recall, they're nothing but 30 minute ads for sugary cereals and action figures. (I know this from experience. I grew up on Count Chocula and GoBots).

So what can Saavan watch? Not much, really. Sesame Street is alright, as is "The Rachel Maddow Show." (You've got to get the propaganda into these kids' heads as soon as possible.) Other than that, there is really only one show I can think of. It's a show that emphasizes the joy that comes from reaping the benefits of a lifetime of creativity and hard work: "The Girls Next Door."

The boy has to have a role model.

Hef's got nothing on me.